I Found it in
the Amazon

Exciting discoveries from the world's largest marketplace

Behold, the cutest vacuum cleaner in history — actually, hold on

LIVION Mini Desk Vacuum Cleaner, also Suitable for Keyboards (USB/Battery Powered) – Red

Features:
— Oh my god a PUPPYYYYYYYY
— Can we get it can we get it, I promise to feed it and walk it and–
— Oh wait, it’s a vacuum cleaner?
— Still precious tho
— Can we get it and can we get a puppy and teach the puppy to vacuum with the tiny vacuum, can we can we

Related items:

Arguably even cuter, though perhaps too cute


Holy crap even cuter


I feel like I’m the last person to know this huge world of cute tiny vacuum cleaners exists


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/behold-the-cutest-vacuum-cleaner-in-history-actually-hold-on/


Knock knock, dumbass

Knock Knock WTF Nifty Notes

Features:
— This seems very obviously jokey, but the longer I look at it, the more moments I recall in which this might have been useful
— And now you feel the same way, don’t you
— I mean the guy who sits in the cube next to you, he alone probably is worth at least one pad of these things
— I feel like I would check the “Stop It” box nearly every single time I’d be moved to leave one of these
— And probably “Give me a break” if I can pick two boxes (I guess no rule that I can’t, right, it’s not a web form)
— IDEA: Email-able web form that just totally steals this idea, causing the person who made this pad to mail me a sheet from this pad in which “Seriously—WTF?!” and “Stop It” are checked

Related items:

Gift idea for the guy in the cube next to you (gift it anonymously of course — he’ll never know it’s you)


Bit more on the nose here


Uhh


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/knock-knock-dumbass/


For sale: a Covfefe Gamecube vinyl that somehow already feels staler than an actual Gamecube

Covfefe Funny Quote Design Pattern Image Gamecube Vinyl Decal Sticker Skin by Trendy Accessories

Features:
— One of 500,000 uninspired #Covfefe items that someone crapped out as quickly as they could, thinking that THIS for sure was the big break that would make them rich and turn their stagnant life around
— Surely no one else had the same id—oh no, everyone had the same idea
— In fairness to this item, it’s probably true no one else had thought to include Gamecube vinyls in the gold rush
— Too bad it’s ugly as shit
— Like seriously, even just take one minute to find another font or color or something

Related items:

Why even try if this is the effort you’re gonna put forth


Now writing a 134-page paperback book in one day, THAT’s how you get my attention


See? EFFORT, just a little


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/for-sale-a-covfefe-gamecube-vinyl-that-somehow-already-feels-staler-than-an-actual-gamecube/


A cuter way to make the same caffeine joke you made six times last week

Magic Morning Coffee Mug, Yellow 12 Oz Heat Sensitive Color and Face Changing Ceramic Tea Cup, By Chuzy Chef

Features:
— Kinda like the 10,000 coffee mugs you own with cute sayings about how you’re incapable of containing the drool in your mouth until you’ve had your morning coffee, but without those incredibly lame phrases on them
— This one conveys the same message but in a cute and arguably poignant way
— I bet you could write a 10,000 word thinkpiece on the poignance of this fucking mug
— But not until you’ve had your coffee, AMIRIGHTGIRRRRL :hands in air emoji:

Related items:

Somewhat vaguer statement, though perhaps a better option if you like clowns?


You drank too much, now you got the jitters, now you’re writing a screenplay no one wants to read


Soooooooooold


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/a-cuter-way-to-make-the-same-caffeine-joke-you-made-six-times-last-week/


“I love nature, that’s why I kill it and hang it from my ceiling”

Rustic Elk 12 Antler Chandelier with 12- 2 Watt Soft White LED Candelabra Bulbs Included (Retail $8.99 Each)

Features:
— Stop being a basic white girl who hangs a deer head on the wall like everyone else and get this instead
— If you don’t consider how many deer died so your garage “wood shop” you never actually make anything in has some lighting, it IS kinda pretty
— $300 for shipping though? What the fuck?
— Optional $124.39 for “expert installation” — in which case, why can’t this expert just bring it with him when he installs it, saving me your $300 shipping fee? Fuckers

Related items:

FREE SHIPPING! Take notes, assholes


$75 shipping, which at least is reasonable


In case you like deer and want a deer-related lamp that isn’t made of their heads ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/i-love-nature-thats-why-i-kill-it-and-hang-it-from-my-ceiling/


Get your own upside-down American flag pin

Official Upside Down American Flag Pin

Features:
— The photo is upside down for some reason, but this is an authentic upside-down American flag pin just like the one Donald Trump Press Secretary Sean Spicer wore on TV
— No idea if this picture was taken by an upside-down camera or if the picture was taken in Australia but the photo is definitely upside down
— You can buy a box of 50 of them but be careful, some of these pins will appear right-side up if they get loose in the packaging. (Don’t worry, it’s easy to turn them back upside down as intended)

Related items:

Show your allegiance to the nation of Copland


Why is “under God” in quote fingers? Is this a sarcastic pin?


Perfect tribute to that one night I got so drunk I vomited a flag


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/get-your-own-upside-down-american-flag-pin/


Get your Nintendo Switch crap here (and here and here and—)

Nintendo Switch Secure Game Case — Mario and Zelda Editions

Features:
— Screen protectors, bumpers for your controllers, weird cases that hold three games, stands for your stands, we got it all
— Everything must go! For real, we mortgaged our company’s future to jump on this bandwagon
— Do you need a $50 backpack specifically for your game console that you can carry alongside your other backpack for everything else? No? This was a huge mistake? Shitshitshit

Related items:
Please buy this backpack, we made so many of them


There’s already a kickstand on the system, just so you know


In case you drop your controller a lot or love the Pittsburgh Penguins for some stupid reason


Presumably these work with more than just a Switch, but it’s a new console and we all know what Apple did last year so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/get-your-nintendo-switch-crap-here-and-here-and-here-and/


“Hello, one Nintendo Switch please!”

Nintendo Switch with Neon Blue and Neon Red Joy-Con

Features:
— Oh, you wanted to just waltz online and buy one of these today? Yeah, no, that’s not how this works
— Unless you go on ebay, where you can probably get one for the price of a car
— You waited until today to buy this and are now contemplating paying twice the asking retail price because your life is just a series of snowballing bad decisions, isn’t it
— Don’t do this, they’ll make more, I promise
— In four years, when the next Nintendo is put on sale, these things will cost $129
— In another four years, they’ll cost $30
— You are contemplating paying a thousand dollars for something that, in 10 years’ time, you’ll contemplate throwing in the trash rather than dealing with the hassle of selling it or ugh, giving it to someone else
— We are the worst, aren’t we
— Anyway, enjoy the new Zelda, I hope it’s worth it

Related items:

Also sold out, sorry


You can buy this game now even though you don’t have the system and won’t get the game until fall, but hell why not, you’ve made this many bad decisions already


Somehow a game that’s $35 too expensive and reportedly not good is sold out too, because the world has gone crazy


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/hello-one-nintendo-switch-please/


Ha ha get it? No? Look closer. Now? No? Sigh

Funny Marathon Mug – 26.2 because 26.3 would be ludicrous – 11oz White

Features:
— In case you don’t get it, the joke is explained under the number
— Would’ve been funnier (or funny at all) if it said “26.1” instead though
— Instead it’s just some weird “I ran a marathon and stopped” thing, since 26.2 is the right length
— “26.1” isn’t hilarious either, but it would tell a story and start a conversation
— But oh well, too late now, we printed 10,000 of these damn things
— “makes the perfect gift for everyone” it claims, which is such an insane lie I don’t even know where to begin

Related items:

Caffeine jokes, guys


Finally a mug with a message I can get behind


I’d just never pour anything into it if that’s the case


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/ha-ha-get-it-no-look-closer-now-no-oh/


If I controlled the weather, nothing would be different because I already control the weather

Discovery Kids Extreme Weather Tornado Lab

Features:
— Create the world’s cutest tornado right on your kitchen table
— But don’t accidentally knock it off the kitchen table and unleash devastation on your family
— Buy a tiny cow toy, throw it in there, take a photo, post it to Twitter, and type “RIP Bill Paxton”
— Make boring small talk about the boring weather with your co-workers in the elevator, then BAM STOP THE ELEVATOR AND PULL THIS OUT AND MAKE EXTREME SMALL TALK INSTEAD

Related items:

Ask people to pet your tornado, send me videos of their reactions, thanks in advance


Even tinier and cuter devastating weather


Tiny toy sharks already included. Not quite cows but close enough


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/if-i-controlled-the-weather-nothing-would-be-different-because-i-already-control-the-weather/


Oh, you won an Oscar statue tonight? Congrats, I have three dozen of them

Kangaroo, Gold Award Trophies, 6″ Statues (6 Pack), $9

Features:
— Spend your whole life plying a craft in the faint hopes of winning one of these things one day, or buy six of them for $9 and have them delivered by Tuesday
— You don’t even have to accept them on live television in front of a billion people if you have a fear of public speaking
— Each trophy is individually bar coded. Why? Beats me #HiNSA
— Will look great next to the replica World Series ring you’ll get if you’re at the Cubs home opener this year

Related items:

If you’re going in for statues, may as well get a red carpet too


A Paparazzi Prop might cross the line into “this is kinda sad” territory though


Today I learned these things I constantly knock over by accident cost $100 each


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/oh-you-won-an-oscar-statue-tonight-congrats-i-have-three-dozen-of-them/


A box just for your bread and only your bread

Now Designs Bread Bin, Turquoise Blue

Features:
— You assume all liability if you put non-bread in this box, even if it would be an excellent container for, say, baseball cards or art supplies
— Stylish design appeals to people who cut the cord and just have Netflix, while its single-purpose design offends those same people who are urging you to watch that minimalists documentary on Netflix. A real conversation starter, in other words
— 362 people have bought this, so clearly its claim that its capable of holding a bread checks out
— 45 dollars though, which is a third of the way to a minifridge that can hold way more than one thing of bread

Related items:

Get a smaller matching box that can hold, I guess, a donut


Cheaper and includes bonus window for admiring your bread


Here’s a bread holder that does not give a damn if you’re impressed or not


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/a-box-just-for-your-bread-and-only-your-bread/



500 pieces of copyright infringement on 1 sweet NES cartridge

500 in 1 NES Cartridge – Contra, Ninja Turtles,, Double Dragon LATEST VERSION

Features:
— Absolutely no chance this is legal, which means you finally can add an element of danger to your life without leaving your house or even having to create a new account on some sketchy website you’ve never heard of
— Includes Contra 7 and 8 and Mario 10, 12 and 14, none of which exist … UNLESS THEY DO??
— Personally I’m more intrigued by whatever HOT BLOOD Ice Hockey is, to say nothing of CASTLE EXCELLENT and MILK & NUTS
— Includes all five games in the Sansuu series, which leads me to believe these other 495 games are there to form a trojan horse to get you to play Sansuu and eventually pre-order Sansuu 6
— If nothing else, if all the copyrighted games are fakes and the original games are terrible … that’s a sweet red cartridge

Related items:

A measly 100 games in this cart, but they’re the best games so it’s understandable


148 Super Games, plus 2 Flintstones games


Or you can just buy Excitebike all by itself for $649.99


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/500-pieces-of-copyright-infringement-on-1-sweet-nes-cartridge/


Great at parties or, I dunno, presidential press conferences perhaps

Shocking Liar Lie Detector Game

Features:
— Just about the only thing that would have made President Trump’s press conference even more of a banger than it was
— Fortunately, given our president’s mannerisms, there’s always tomorrow and Monday and the four days after Monday
— Of course, given our president’s mannerisms, best to employ this sooner rather than later before the four horsemen of impeachment show up at his door
— Sorry, I know, politics, sorry sorry sorry I’ll stop
— Alternatively, put it in your pants, set pants on fire for the realest “Liar Liar” rhyme yet

Related items:

This one doesn’t even attempt to look like a toy


This party is getting dark


Oh, gosh, look at the time, I have to go


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/great-at-parties-or-i-dunno-presidential-press-conferences-perhaps/


Bahhhhhhhhhhhckpack

OrrinSports Felt Fabric School Backpack Bags 3D Animal Print Cute Laptop Hiking Daypacks 16″

Features:
— Let people know you’re insane without even having to turn around and make eye contact with them
— If someone walking behind you still finds a way to make eye contact with you, run
— Put it on the seat next to you on the train or bus, pretend it’s your pet, see what people do
— Calls itself “cute” in the title and while I do think sheep are cute, I just don’t know this time
— Would be fun to go hiking with this thing in a place full of wild sheep just to see what they’d do
— (To clarify, I don’t want to do that, but you should try it and tell me how it goes if the sheep let you leave)

Related items:

You know the panda isn’t happy that *this* is the picture they went with


The most American way to backpack through Europe


HEYYYYY YOUUUU GUYYYYYYS


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/bahhhhhhhhhhhckpack/


We’re all just drinking to forget

My Therapy Funny Wine Glass – Best Valentine’s Day Gift For Women – Unique Valentines Present Idea For Her – Birthday Gifts to Mom, Wife, Girlfriend, Sister, Friend, Coworker or Daughter

Features:
— Wine jokes, am I right ladies
— Note the “Best Valentine’s Day Gift for Women” in the title, but ponder how well things are going at home if the #1 gift your loved one would want from you on Valentine’s Day is a glass that reminds her how easily she can forget about everything
— Also a great gift for your daughter apparently, which, ponder that as well
— Yep, now you’re the one who needs the therapy. Fortunately 2-day shipping is available

Related items:

Coffee jokes, am I right


“Ugh our children”


“IKR”


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/were-all-just-drinking-to-forget/


Sometimes getting nothing is a better gift idea

Naughty Valentine’s Day Bear: Medium Plush Teddy Bear

Features:
— Torpedo your relationship with a teddy bear
— Because it’s not enough that people wear tacky slogan t-shirts they bought on the Internet, now teddy bears are doing it too
— “Mini t-shirt is removable” Well then what is the point of any of this
— Cute if you put aside the shirt, but I can’t separate the bear’s smug smile from his intentions, so I think I’m gonna go in another direction this Valentine’s Day

Related items:

A slightly less terrible option


This feels both less horrible but more dated than the other bears


Someone apparently bought both that bear and this mug to really drive home how unlucky his significant other is


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/sometimes-getting-nothing-is-a-better-gift-idea/


Time to find a thousand things to staple

Summer House Mini Manual Desktop Stapler Set with Staples Pretty Cute Animal Pattern Office Staplers (Orange Dog)

Features:
— Holy hell look at how cute these are /throws red Swingline into the trash
— Also available in green cat, pink dog, panda and I won’t spoil the others because have you seen how cute these are?? Go, look
— Comes with 1000 staples, which come in a box that’s so cute that it might be worth the cost of this thing even if you don’t need a stapler or staples and just want to put Q-tips or toothpicks in this cute box
— Don’t know if that staples box and the stapler come in a larger, even cuter box, but there’s only one way to find out and life is short after all

Related items:

If you prefer your stapler to be the “all-business wooden rhino” sort


Yeah, I saw Office Space too


I prefer this version though (not to the dogs, of course, but to the red one)


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/time-to-find-a-thousand-things-to-staple/


Pretty Cute Rainbow Color Owl Pendant Necklace

Pretty Cute Rainbow Color Owl Pendant Necklace (Pink Owl Necklace)

Features:
— It’s only “pretty cute” according to the product’s own title, so don’t expect the events of your life to one day be defined as “before you bought this” and “after you bought this”
— It IS cute, though
— Only 5 bucks, so in the off chance that it DOES change the trajectory of your life, that’s a solid deal and much cheaper than a college education, baby or new house

Related items:

This owl is described as beautiful and is only $4 though — talk about cutthroat


Straight up cute, $2, though these are earrings so maybe that’s a totally different war with different rules


And here’s a whole set of owl jewelry for $2.70, so the gauntlet has been thrown down


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/pretty-cute-rainbow-color-owl-pendant-necklace/


Level up your mediocre cuddling

The Cuddle Sutra: An Unabashed Celebration of the Ultimate Intimacy

Features:
— 50 positions, of which 1 or 2 will undoubtably aggravate some sports injury you suffered 20 years ago but never treated. Live dangerously and play some cuddle roulette
— A lose-lose for teenage boys who buy this — the illustrated people keep their clothes on, but it’ll still be morbidly embarrassing if your parents or friends find it
— Includes a section on “hand dancing,” which may lead to all sorts of things up to and including a hand puppet show
— The “Look Inside!” preview gives away a handful of the cuddle positions if you’re squeezed for both money and time and need a quick tip in a hurry

Related items:

I doubt these animals needed this book or agreed to be on the cover, but let’s see them try to take the publisher to court over it


If they can write 160 pages about hugging, you have no excuse not to finish your novel


Second edition! I wonder what changed since the first was published


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/level-up-your-mediocre-cuddling/


Tell them you’re hardcore about architecture

Architecture T-Shirt Architect Compass and Ruler Graphic Tee

Features:
— ARCHITECTUREEEEEEEE!!
— Is architecture as hardcore as this shirt makes it look? Should I have become an architect?
— Probably not, I took a class my freshman year in high school and I think I got a C? Maybe a B- but mediocre reigned all the same
— Then again, that class incorporated a wobbly work table, paper, pencils and manual tools like the compass on this shirt, instead of just punching numbers into a computer and making the building appear like I assume it does now
— I’m pretty good with computers
— Is the compass on this shirt made out of two shivs? I wouldn’t mess with anyone who wears this shirt, is what I’m saying

Related items:

Cool guitar shirt, albeit vague in message


Found a piece of guitar clip art, put it on a shirt. Not quite as inspired


This shirt just has Europe on it? Okay, whatever


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/tell-them-youre-hardcore-about-architecture/


Panda Bib

Baby Waterproof Sleeved Bib Eat&Play Smock,Toddler Apron of PEVA Infant Toddler Art Smock Cartoon Long sleeve Bibs for Eating and Painting 6 Months-3 Years for Girls

Features:
— Good for eating, painting, or the inevitable intersection between nutrition and creativity wherein your child paints the nearest table or wall with the food you carefully prepared for them
— Yes, you’ll have to make it again for them even though you have a headache, and yes, ketchup stains like crazy so you’ll have to clean that up quickly too
— Come to think of it, the baby is probably the last thing that needs protection from a baby with paint or food
— But you get all three bibs and it comes with a magic growing egg inside a tiny house-shaped box, though, so yeah, you want this if only for the egg
— Yeah, I don’t know what’s up with the cartoon animal faces either

Related items:

These bandanas will do if you want to hide your kid’s identity but don’t have any cartoon hamster/bear handy


I’ve never looked this cool a day in my life


People who buy the above item also buy these protein bars, which is why that baby probably looks so cool


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/panda-bib/


Pretty But Sweary Pillow

Throw Cushion Covers Of Euro Style, for Son, living Room, festival, sofa, home Office, son 20 X 20 Inches / 50 By 50 Cm (two Sides)

Features:
— This pillow says “FUCK” on it in huge letters
— Nowhere in the title of the item is it mentioned or even implied that this is a pillow whose defining characteristic is the massive swear word plastered across it
— The ENTIRE PAGE pretends this isn’t happening, just carrying on like this is any old pillow with any old pattern on it. Seriously, do a search for the word, it isn’t there
— Actually it’s just the cover and you don’t even get the pillow because whoever made this doesn’t give a pillowcover what you think
— Good for your home office or your son? Sure, ignore the elephant in the room but mention that, whatever that means

Related items:

This one at least acknowledges the cat, if not the headphones


Lots of cats on these things it seems


Spoken like someone who has never had a dog


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/throw-cushion-covers-of-euro-stylefor-sonliving-roomfestivalsofahome-officeson-20-x-20-inches-50-by-50-cmtwo-sides/


A whole night’s sky in your hand

Constellation night light, Romantic Room Rotating Star Projector Lamp – 4 Bright Colours with 360 Degree Moon Star Projection and Rotation – Moon Sky Night Projector, Baby nursery light(Purple)

Features:
— Bends time and mashes together all the phases of your life by combining “romantic room” and “baby nursery” in the same item title
— Perhaps it implies that it’s a quick and easy way to turn the nursery into a place of romance whenever the baby is away at … work? Obedience School? Wherever babies go during the day I guess
— “Colours” implies that this is not the salt of the earth good ol’ boy American sky you’re projecting, but could also just be a typo
— Counts the instruction manual as an accessory, which is the kind of shameless bravado I like to see in a moon star projection and rotation moon sky night projector baby nursery light

Related items:

This one has one of those little plastic remotes you’ll find in a drawer one day and ask, “What does this remote go with, anyway?” before putting it back in the drawer and vowing to figure it out some other day


This one says “[UPGRADE]” right in the name, though I’m not sure which projection light it calling onto the carpet


Take my money


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Permalink: http://rainforest.cool/constellation-night-light-romantic-room-rotating-star-projector-lamp-4-bright-colours-with-360-degree-moon-star-projection-and-rotation-moon-sky-night-projector-baby-nursery-lightpurple/